Spoils to Be Won
by ProfAT
Summary: The completely heterosexual and platonic adventures of Renji and his equally heterosexual and platonic friend, Shuuhei. And nothing was ever suspiciously romantic at all. Maybe.


**Author's note: A new series to come to you in 5(?) parts to be posted sporadically. I am excited.**

Renji knew that there was a mortality rate for shinigami, and he knew it was probably something he could live happily without being too aware of. But at the moment, he was intensely curious about the death rate of soul reapers due to cardiac arrest, because it suddenly felt as if something completely shut down inside him and he'd like to know the probability of what he was experiencing being a heart attack.

"Come again?"

Shuuhei wore the face he almost always does when he knows he's not being listened to- irate but patient. He asks again, betraying no clue that he might be joking, "I was asking if you wanted to grab a bite to eat. You know, eating? It's sort of like what you do when _you_ consume food, except there's actual chewing involved and you have to close your mouth. I know this restaurant that opened recently."

"I'm sorry, did you just suggest, after insulting me, that we go to a restaurant? Like, an actual restaurant. An establishment and not a rich guy's house, where we will be expected to actually _pay_ to eay?" Renji suggested cautiously, not bothering to hide the obvious shock in his voice.

Renji's heart sunk as a smug grin spread over Shuuhei's face. "Close, but no marks, my friend. You won't be paying for anything. I, however, will be treating you."

Renji blinked. He inhaled. He exhaled. All bodily functions seemed to be functioning, so it wasn't _likely_ he was hallucinating. There could only be one other explanation.

"I'm very sorry. I thought you were Hisagi." He said stiffly before turning on his heel and beginning to shuffle away. "Goodbye."

"Hey, don't make fun of me when I'm trying to be nice to you, asshole!" Shuuhei barked, placing a hand solidly on Renji's shoulder and yanking him backwards.

Renji whipped around and slapped his arm away. "I don't know who you are or what you've done with my friend, mysterious imposter! But I know for a fact that Hisagi would never willingly spend money when he could just as easily mooch off of someone else. I am too wise and learnt for your mind games."

"For starters, it's 'learned'." Shuuhei seethed, looking offended by Renji's accusations. Offended, but also a bit guilty.

"Whatever. There's a catch here, isn't there?"

Shuuhei sighed and raised his hands defensively. "Okay, so you may be partially correct. To be exact, I have a friend who's a part-owner of a restaurant that opened up recently, and she said she could get me a really good deal if I brought someone in with me. Drum up some new patronage, you know?"

"So you decided to pick me up as a pity-date? Thanks a lot." Renji snorted, folding his arms over his chest.

"This is exactly why I wasn't going to tell you! Ever since the Omeada thing, you've been looking for reasons to call me a cheap-skate who'd sell his soul for a free meal." Shuuhei argued, pointing an accusatory finger in Renji's direction and poking him in the chest with it.

"I don't need to _look_ for a reason." Renji shot back, "What were you gonna do if I said 'no'?"

The tension on Shuuhei's face lifted, his brow rose in cautious curiosity. "Are you saying 'no'?"

To answer that question, Renji will have to look in his definitely busy and bustling schedule. By "busy and bustling", he means that he's spent the past nine nights eating take-out alone in bed. But still.

Okay, so _maybe _it had been kind of a slow week. Not much has happened in Soul Society recently, to be honest, and the quietness was kind of eerie. Normally, Renji occupied these brief periods of unsettling peace by training and hanging with the guys in the eleventh division, drinking with the other lieutenants, or bugging Ichigo and his friends in Karakura. But really, when you do that all day, you tended to run out of steam towards the evening, and all those previously mentioned events would often involve spending a lot of time with a lot of pretty high-strung people. A quiet dinner with a close friend would be pretty- dare he say it- nice.

"No." Renji said, "I mean 'no' as in I'm not saying 'no'. By which I mean 'yes'."

"Maybe you could pick a more contradictory way to say that, but okay." Shuuhei beamed. He motioned for Renji to follow after him as he lead the way. "Trust me, you're gonna love this place. It's, like, hella classy!"

"Wow, with plates and utensils and everything?" Renji jibed as he trailed after him.

"They'll even have napkins." Shuuhei promised. "We might be shamed out of the building for being underdressed the moment we step in. We'll only cry for twenty-five minutes."

Renji mocked an expression of alarm. "I dunno, Hisagi. That might be too classy for me. You know how careful I am about my reputation- to be seen in public in only my second-best shihakusho! The horror!"

"Don't worry about that. I'll find a way to convince them to let you stay, despite your slovenly appearance." Shuuhei said. "Maybe they'll let you sit on the floor under the table and I can feed you my scraps."

Renji decided that Shuuhei deserved a punch to the ribs for that, and delivered one as such. But he did not stop .

On the way, Renji began to have doubts again. He had visions, horrible images of dive-bars where the vermin was indistinguishable from the entrees and the food had a distinct aftertaste from being saturated in a broth of the chef's saliva. Shuuhei was both a heavy drinker and poor. He probably knew more than a few places that matched that description.

But Shuuhei surprised Renji by sticking to the lower districts of the Rukongai. Here, they neighborhoods were nice, clean, and orderly. People recognized the shinigami's uniforms and waved at them, which Renji had certainly never observed in any of the higher districts. All it did, however, was give Renji a sense of growing anxiety, waiting to see where things would go wrong.

Shuuhei came to a halt, grabbing Renji's sleeve to impart that he should stop, too. "Here we are!"

Renji looked to where they had stopped in front of, taking a moment to absorb the restaurant. His silence provoked Shuuhei's impatience. "Well? What do you think?"

The restaurant in question was a sizeable building painted in inviting, earthy tones. If one were to stroll through the small garden of immaculately kept plants surrounding the building, they would be expected to enter through the wide, open doors from which pleasant music could be heard trickling out of.

Through the door and windows, one could catch glimpses of the wait-staff immaculately dressed in neat kimonos and make-up, flitting from table to table with platter of ceramic bowls and plates.

It looked, quite simply, like something far, far out of Renji's price range.

"I thought you were kidding about being underdressed." Renji stated.

Shuuhei smirked at Renji's reaction. "I was serious about the plates and utensils, too. Come on, lets get in before the dinner crowd arrives."

Apparently, getting in mostly surrounded the concept of walking through the doors to meet a waitress of the restaurant who looked them both up and down critically before giving them a strained, polite smile. Renji wondered if perhaps Shuuhei had quite possibly lost it and this entire outing was a mistake.

But Shuuhei just ignored the odd look at gave his name to the waitress. She checked a small tome in her hand- perhaps names of VIPS or other freeloading friends of the owners- and looked back up at them with a more earnest smile.

"Thank you so much for joining us this evening, Lieutenant Hisagi. We'll seat you and your companion right away."

Shuuhei nudged Renji with his elbow, wearing a haughty grin. To be fair, Renji would have been pretty impressed if he _hadn't_ known Shuuhei was only getting because apparently he knows a guy. But whatever floats his boat.

The two shinigami were then whisked away by the much more welcoming waitress to a small table in the back. It is, in fact, very nice. A musician in the corner plucked the strings of a koto to create a soothing tune, accompanied by the cheerful bubbling of a fountain pond that could be seen in the outside garden through a nearby window. From his seat, Renji caught a glimpse of gold and red from the enormous koi fish meandering through the pond. Byakuya would be jealous.

Shuuhei settled in at their table as if he actually belonged here. Renji was more hesitant in tucking in, but found himself more engaged when their hostess procured a bottle of what looks like rather high-quality (expensive) sake and served it to them both before setting the bottle down and disappearing.

"Well, this is, um," Renji stumbled over his words. "Wow."

Shuuhei finished a sip from his bowl appreciatively before giving Renji an analytical look. "Is this okay? I kind of expected a little more enthusiasm."

"I'm working on it- I mean, I'm really just sort of- Wow. I already said that but _wow_. Shit, this place looks expensive." Renji muttered, casting a wide-eyed look over the restaurant.

"Hell yes it does." Shuuhei confirmed, relaxing. "Isn't it great?"

The waitress reappeared a few moments later with menus, written in elaborate calligraphy that Renji had neither the time nor the motivation to decipher. From what he could glean, everything _appeared_ to be more suited to a pallet much more… shall he consider, "refined" than his own. Spoiled, actually. Before he really has time to analyze the mysterious parchment afore him, Shuuhei spoke up to the waitress with his order. He rattled off some sort of dish with a lot of specifications in its name. It's probably something involving beef. Maybe.

"And what about you, sir?" The waitress prompted Renji. And Renji finally took the time to notice that he isn't really sure what's even on this menu at all.

Renji scanned the menu up and down, muttering something like "Uh, lemme see…" before Shuuhei rolled his eyes and said briskly, "He'll have the House Special."

House Special. Renji had no idea what that is but it _sounded_ very classy. The waitress hummed like she approved of the choice before shuffling away.

"What's the House Special?" Renji asked when she was out of earshot.

Shuuhei shrugged. "No idea, but it's yours now. Should have been paying attention to the menu in the first place, shouldn't you?"

"I think you just have control issues." Renji scoffed, occupying himself with the sake.

"Shoosh. I'm treating you, remember? I get to make the rules tonight." Shuuhei says in a very serious and confident voice. That voice does a lot to make him sound smooth and suave and not like the bratty child that his words would otherwise make him sound like. Which was fortunate for him, really. Renji had hung out with Shuuhei enough to be disillusioned, but sometimes Shuuhei's ability to rapidly switch from super-serious, no-nonsense straight face to playful teasing still caught him off guard. Stupid charming Shuuhei.

The food was brought out in record time, and Renji still wasn't sure what exactly his meal was. But it was some sort of meat or fish or exotic legendary sea-creature broiled in the elixir of the gods because that is what it tasted like. He doesn't care what it is anymore, it could be cutlets of poisonous giant squid but he would still be eating this shit up. He could be suffering a deadly allergic reaction right now and he wouldn't care.

"I'd almost forgotten how great food that isn't take out is, holy fuck!" Renji said between mouthfuls of food. "I take back all my doubts. All of them. Hisagi, you were completely right about this place and I am actual garbage to have ever doubted you. Is that what you wanted? Is that what you needed to hear?"

"Just a little bit." Shuuhei admitted, tossing a shrimp from his plate into his mouth. His order wasn't beef after all, which showed what Renji knew. Maybe this was a sea-food restaurant. "So all is forgiven about the thing at Omeada's place?"

Renji chuckled. "Woah there, buddy. I don't know about that! This place is great, but you're still only paying on discount, right? I think that counteracts your point of trying to prove you're not a cheapskate."

"But it proves I can be classy, yeah?" Shuuhei argued. "Look at this place, Abarai. Look at how fancy we're being right now."

"On a scale of one to ten how fancy are we being, exactly?"

"Like, twelve fancy."

Renji hummed considerately. "I dunno, man. I think it would have been a lot more fancy _and_ classy if you were paying full-price. A little cash-splashing to butter me up and sweep me off my feet."

Shuuhei pouted. "But Abarai, I thought you _always_ swooned in my presence! What happened to the magic between us?"

"You can't just expect me to suddenly start swooning every which way if you're not going the distance, Hisagi." Renji pointed out, pointing a chopstick at his dinner-companion accusatorily. "I ain't that kind of lady."

"You're absolutely right. I've seen the error of my ways and now I am totally kicking up the elegance factor. We're going up to thirteen fancy. Maybe even fourteen."

Renji choked ever-so-elegantly on his fish-sea-creature-thing. "That is _too_ fancy! I think I'm going to black out from all this-"

Renji was going to finish with what he was certain would be a comedic gold-nugget of a joke but found himself, as he is often finds himself, distracted. This time it was by the sudden dimming of the lights, the lanterns keeping the interior of the room lit suddenly going out all at once.

"Oh. I was kidding about blacking out." Renji muttered. He can't even see Shuuhei sitting across from him. If he concentrated, he could see some stars shimmering in the picturesque evening sky but he was as blind as a goddamn bat otherwise.

He heard Shuuhei shift from across the table. "Calm down, I'm pretty sure this is a regular thing. The lights will come on again in a minute. I think."

"Alright, I'm just wondering if this is the part where they kick us out."

Suddenly, light flooded Renji's vision again and he starts back from the appearance of a ghostly glowing figure that appears next to him. A second later Renji realized this mysterious figure was their waitress again, having reappeared with two candles in hand.

She smiled at his alarm and arranged the two candles very precisely at their table before shuffling back into the shadows. Around them, other tables get similar treatment, the candlelight created a much quieter, intimate atmosphere.

"This is kinda nice." Shuuhei commented, eyeing the table with a satisfied smile. "Creates a nice mood, don't you think."

"Uh, yeah. I guess it does." Renji agreed, because he was just fine eating with the lights on but if this is how the rich and fanciful eat out.

He supposed it is kind of cool, though, as he looked down at his hands illuminated in gold light. The candles made everything they touch seem to give off a fiery glow. Across the table, the light fell on Shuuhei's face and makes him radiate as if he was just doused in liquid sunshine.

The koto music slowed down to a more peaceful, sensual tune. It invited silence from the other patrons of the restaurant, and Renji and Shuuhei ate in amicable silence for a while.

"Hows the food?" Shuuhei prompted after a bit, eyeing the sake bottle like he could go for another round. Renji hoped he wouldn't. He would not be carrying anyone home tonight.

"It's great. I still have no idea what I'm eating." Renji answered.

Shuuhei leaned over the table, brandishing his chopsticks at Renji's plate in a manner that was faintly threatening. He plucked a piece off Renji's plate and popped it into his mouth, which didn't seem very restaurant-appropriate _or _considerate but no one stopped him and Renji allowed to to happen.

"Don't catch on fire." Renji warned, regarding the candles suspiciously.

Shuuhei ignored this comment, licking his lips thoughtfully. His lips looked very shiny in the candlelight, very wet and soft. Not that Renji had noticed this. "I think it's abalone, you uncultured heathen."

"I knew it was a kind of fish." Renji defended, to which Shuuhei gave him a dead-pan look. "Abalone is a kind of fish?"

"Abalone is a kind of mollusk." Shuuhei said matter-of-factly. "It's like a sea-snail."

"Oh." Renji eyed his delicious food reproachfully. "Ew."

Without waiting for further invitation, Shuuhei continued picking pieces off Renji's plate, which Renji supposed was a sort of challenge. One he gladly would have taken, if not that he noticed just then that Shuuhei had to lean pretty far forwards to get a good angle at the food. Renji could see nearly every detail of Shuuhei's face thrown into clear focus in the candlelight- the light bouncing off his eyes, the defined lines of his jaw, the deep grooves of his scars.

Maybe it was just this with the combination of the music, and the candles, and all of it together was too much overstimulation for Renji, but he found himself needing to create more space between himself and the other lieutenant. Renji leaned back and pushed his plate towards the middle of the table, forcing Shuuhei to sit back as well.

"You can finish them." Renji suggested. "I think the whole sea-snail thing ruined my appetite."

Shuuhei shrugged, "That's a shame. They really are delicious!"

Yes, yes they are, Renji thought regretfully as he watched Shuuhei consume his dinner.

Renji felt a wave of guilt overtake him, despite his awareness that it really didn't seem called for. If Shuuhei noticed the momentary lapse in Renji's friendliness, he did a great job covering it. But Renji still felt bad about suddenly feeling awkward. Honestly, they had been joking around just a minute ago! He was probably just being oversensitive or something.

Oh, now the social guiltiness. How it weighs in a young Renji's heart. He's still a little fidgety and not really sure what to do except watch Shuuhei inhale Renji's abalones.

"If you changed your mind, you can have your plate back." Shuuhei said, making Renji realize Shuuhei had been staring at him with a critical look on his face. "You don't need to sit there and look all sulky."

"I am _not_ being sulky." Renji retorted. He tried to stop fidgeting but whoop, now he keeps playing with one of his chopsticks in his hand. How'd that get there? "I am so incredibly mature and emotionally put-together. I can't even handle how adult my behavior is. If you were to look up the antonym of 'sulky' there would be no words, only my name printed in big font-"

The contact of Shuuhei's hand brushing against Renji's startled him into silence. Shuuhei gave him a very calm, very even look as he took Renji's hand and pried the chopstick from it, setting it down and dragging his thumb across Renji's palm in a soothing motion. "Relax, okay? I didn't mean to strike a nerve or whatever. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I mean- it's not you, okay? I'm being dumb. I don't know." Renji tried to calm himself down. "I think I'm just tired. Forget about it."

He could tell from the furrowing of his brow and the deep shadows flickering across his face in the candlelight that Shuuhei was confused and perhaps a little worried, but he smiled understandingly anyways. "Forgotten."

It was not long before their waitress reappeared for a final time to take their check, which Shuuhei paid for with a wad of yen that looked far too small to properly cover their combined expenses. Still, Renji thanked him for the night out anyways.

"Sure." Shuuhei beamed, elbowing Renji companionably on the walk home. "What are friends for?"

Yeah, friends. Renji reminded himself rather aggressively. Why _wouldn't_ that be normal and friendly? It was just hanging out with a friend. It was just a candlelit dinner with a friend. People who are more social than Renji is probably do that all the time.

He probably actually was just tired, and he told Shuuhei as much as they walked back towards the Gotei barracks together. Because thats what friends were for.


End file.
